“We can’t be angry but must defend our people. We can’t be sad but must deal with constant racism AND sexism quietly…” This tweet perfectly sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.
Just the other day I was told by a white male that I shouldn’t “complain” when I expressed my frustration, sadness & anger over the 9 black people murdered in church in Charleston. I was beyond baffled.
Lately, I’ve felt like my sadness, my anger, my frustration..none of it matters. White (&black people, sadly & surprisingly) have told me to stop complaining because nothing is going to change. Also, how dare I be upset at the blatant & non blatant racism black men AND women still face. How I need to just shut up & be quiet. How black women are roaches, dogs, and at the bottom of the barrel. How they are just “less than”. I have seen & been told some of these things lately. &Still, how I feel does not make sense, &does not matter to many. I can’t make this stuff up.
My hair is too nappy. I’m a strong black woman, I don’t need any help,nor is there no need for me to desire a man or relationship because I can handle things on my own. My feelings are invalid or irrelevant, it’s just mere babbling. I’m not truly black because I’m not dark enough. I think I’m better than people who are darker than me because I’m considered light skin (literally one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard from people who don’t even know me & made crazy assumptions about me). If my butt was bigger, I would be considered more black. I talk like a “white person” (whatever that means). I’m white because I enjoy music other than r&b, rap, and hip hop, and soul. I have very slim chances of getting married because I’m a black woman, and the fact that I’m college educated will make it even harder to find a spouse, no matter what color he is. I’m not “ratchet” or “sassy” enough./I’m too ratchet or sassy. I get scared and dirty looks from white people when I wear an afro. I need to work twice as hard to show that I’m capable of doing something. “You talk so intelligent.” “You’re not really black.” “Black girls have too much attitude, wear too much weave, are loud and obnoxious, that’s why I go for white women” – comments I’ve heard &seen from black men. “Black girls are ugly, cockroaches, stupid, baby mamas, good for nothing, don’t deserve anything…” -Society. Black girls who wear weaves hate themselves. Natural hair isn’t for everyone. You have to like certain things, eat certain things, and act a certain way to be black.
These are just a few things I’ve heard in regards to me being a black woman. #HowItFeelsToBeABlackGirl
It doesn’t matter if grew up listening to electronic or house music. It doesnt matter if I like rap or soul music. It doesnt matter how I speak or what I do, because I’m still going to be judged on whether or not I’m “proper” or “ratchet” enough as a black woman! Why do people make me feel like i have to choose between the two? Can I like Spiderman comics and anime, along with “Trap Queen” and watermelon without getting stereotyped? &Why watermelon? Why not pears? lol. But seriously, growing up, I was either to “white” for people because I wore fishnet gloves from hot topic and I liked rock music (which i still do). Nowadays, I’m too “black” for some because I actually speak up against racism we face and empower my people with constantly telling them how much they matter in this life, when so much people and events try to show us that we don’t. What do you want me to be? Well, it doesn’t matter, becuase I’m a black woman, & I cant change that.